


you got these little things that you've been running from

by gwencelot



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-11
Updated: 2011-12-11
Packaged: 2017-12-20 17:10:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwencelot/pseuds/gwencelot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James and Carlos meet at university and fall in love. Only, it isn't quite that simple. Or, the one where James has mommy issues, Kendall is sarcastic, and Camille is the best method actress ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short, cute, Jarlos fic. YEAH, THAT DIDN'T REALLY WORK OUT. But anyway, this is for Kaity's birthday, which was like a month ago. Who needs punctuality?

Most people don't believe that the story actually starts with Kendall - or, they do believe it, until Kendall butts in and embellishes it to his liking. Because, really, when James walks into his room on his first day of uni and is greeted with a "hey, man, can you help me move my stuff in here before my idiot roommate turns up? Some dude named James Diamond.  _Diamond,_  can you believe it?" he's not expecting a fast friendship with the rude blond to send his life into a whirlwind.

" _I'm_  James Diamond," he huffs, crossing his arms and barely resisting the urge to stick out his foot in hopes of the other student tripping over it.

"Oh, really?" Kendall doesn't seem bothered and drops his boxes on the floor by one of the beds, turning to James and grinning, completely unapologetic. His dimples are distracting, and James tells him as much. Kendall throws his head back and cackles, pulling a smile unwillingly to James' lips as well.

They become friends fairly quickly after that - Kendall is a force to be reckoned with, and his blunt honesty and fierce stubbornness clash with James' own persistent qualities, but they manage to find a common interest in hockey that has them stuck together like glue by the end of the first week.

Kendall isn't exactly the most considerate person - he's messy and loud when James is trying to sleep or study, but he shows up on Friday (James' birthday, mentioned off-handedly when Kendall was too busy moaning over his morning coffee to really pay attention) with two tickets to their favorite team's next game, James sees that he's a big softy underneath it all.

"Worst seats ever," James mumbles into Kendall's ear that night, shooting disdainful looks at the couple in front of them who have chosen to make out the entire time rather than actually pay attention to the game. Kendall chucks popcorn at their hair and the two boys giggle silently when neither of the people notice. Kendall whines loudly about needing a drink during the first intermission, and though James doesn't like his friend always getting what he wants, he stands up and makes his way out of his seat.

He doesn't head for the drink stands right away; it's too crowded back there, and being with Kendall for an extended period of time in a small space can get exhausting. James sits on a bench in the lobby and fiddles with his phone, surprised when it vibrates with a new text message. His heart speeds up when he sees that it's from his mother, and he opens it quickly, hope rising into his throat.

_happy birthday, honey! won't be able to make it up this weekend, have tons of meetings that i just can't get out of. ps, mailed you some of that new skin cream the company's been developing; the burning means it's working! xo, mommy_

James presses "end" quickly and stuffs the phone back into his pocket, swallowing thickly and tilting his head back. He will  _not_  cry in public. It's not like he expected his mom to make it anyway. In the end, she always did choose work over him.

"Hey!" James jerks his head up quickly and looks to his left where the voice came from. There's a kid who looks about his age standing there, wearing a black hockey helmet and beaming down at him.

"Hi," he says warily, wiping subtly near his eyes to take care of any tears that might have slipped.

"You play for the team?" the boy laughs loudly, and James is almost offended, but. It's a nice laugh.

"I wish!" he flops down on the bench next to James, too close, and sticks his hand out. "I'm Carlos."

"James," the brunet returns, taking the offered hand carefully.

"I'm not gonna bite you," Carlos grins, shaking it and releasing in one swift motion. "Unless you're into that kind of thing." At James' alarmed expression, Carlos breaks out into another gale of laughter, causing the bench to rattle beneath them. They stare at each other for a moment before James clears his throat.

"I have to, uh... drink, for my friend..."

"Oh," Carlos swings his legs idly, not seeming to care when he accidentally kicks James a few times. "Well, if you're all right." He smiles at James, his eyes not quite lighting up as much as they had been before.

"What do you mean?"

Carlos shrugs. "I saw you looking all bummed before. Something wrong?"

James stares. "No offense, but I'm not about to go spewing all my problems at some stranger."

"I wasn't asking you to," the shorter boy's eyes crinkle in amusement. He watches James expectantly, and when he sees that he doesn't plan on saying anything else he sighs, taking his helmet off and running a hand through his short black hair. "Sometimes I have nightmares. Wake up yelling, sweating, feeling like I can't breathe. It's pretty scary." James is about to ask what this has to do with him, but Carlos doesn't stop there. "They're usually about someone I love dying, or just going away. My biggest fear is being left alone. Seems stupid, right?" James is silent. "There are so many other things to be afraid of. It seems silly to worry about loss when I have so much around me. But I can't help it. Sometimes... sometimes, we can't help what we feel, even if we don't want to." He looks up at James from underneath dark lashes, parts his lips. "Right?"

"Carlos," James says, shaking his head and lowering it into his hands. "I..."

"Carlos!" another voice says, sounding angry, and a brunet comes hurtling around the corner. Carlos jumps up, shoving his helmet back onto his head.

"Hi, Logan!" he says cheerfully. Logan stomps up to him, looking mutinous.

"You said you'd be back in  _two minutes_. What have you been doing all this time?"

"Peeing," Carlos shrugs. James bites on his lip to keep from smiling.

"Peeing," Logan says flatly. "Whatever. Come on, you're gonna miss the rest of the game." He spares a glance at James and nods once before raising his eyebrows expectantly at his friend. Carlos sits back down next to James, leans in close.

"If you spend too much time dwelling on what's wrong, you'll never find out what's right," he whispers, before waving and bounding off after Logan.

James stares at his retreating figure for a moment before pulling out his phone. He opens the text from his mother and holds his breath while he presses delete. Exhales.

Some things are meant to be forgotten.

~~ _**\---** _ ~~

Carlos and Logan live down the hall from James and Kendall, a fact James discovers the day after their strange encounter. He's woken the next morning by a thud on their door, followed by what sounds like a rather girlish shriek. James glances blearily toward Kendall's bed; he's still blissfully asleep, blond hair sticking to the side of his face as he snores.

James groans and sits up, trudging to the door and opening it.

"Oh, hey, James!" he squints out into the hall, only waking fully when he sees Carlos, still wearing the helmet. He stares.

"I think we woke him up," another voice says, and James looks over to see Logan leaning against the wall. "Camille threw Carlos out - literally." He explains. Camille and her roommate, Jo, live across the hall.

"I was only trying to borrow some blankets," Carlos shrugs, shouldering past James to enter their room. Logan follows, at least offering the brunet an apologetic look. James closes the door, too tired to do anything but watch as Carlos pokes around, Logan choosing to sit by the window and snicker at Kendall's still-sleeping form. He grunts in his sleep, burrowing more deeply into the blankets.

Speaking of which...

"Camille's pretty chill. I can't imagine her getting upset over you wanting to borrow some blankets," James says, settling himself back down onto his bed. Sweet, warm, inviting bed... how he would love to go back to sleep...

Carlos flops down next to him, not moving even as their thighs brush due to the small size. "Well, I kind of tried to pull them off of her while she was sleeping," he bites his lip, grinning guiltily up at James through thick lashes. James stares at them, following down the sweep of Carlos' cheekbones and resting his gaze on his lips.

"Yeah, not your smartest move," Logan snorts, and James jerks out of his reverie, though he mentally notes all of the places he and Carlos are now touching. Shoulders, elbows, thighs, ankles.

"Why are you people  _talking_ ," Kendall suddenly moans, one hand emerging from the covers to flop around dramatically. When no one answers him, the blond pokes his head out, glaring.

"Hi, I'm Carlos!" the boy chirps, wiggling his socked toes in Kendall's direction. Kendall eyes him briefly before flipping over and looking at Logan.

"I know you," they say in unison.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

~~ _**\---** _ ~~

The thing is, now James can't seem to keep away from Carlos. He's always there, either physically invading his and Kendall's space and stealing all of their frozen corn dogs, or right at the front of his mind during classes, a puzzling distraction.

And it's just  _weird_ , because - James can't figure out what Carlos wants from him. His entire life, he's just been the son of Mrs. Diamond, born into wealth and stunningly good looks (he hadn't asked for this but he's not blind, either). People don't talk to him for  _him_ ; before Kendall, his only "friends" had been gold-diggers or people looking for a leg up into his mother's business, and - Carlos isn't any of that. James isn't sure Carlos even knows who his mother  _is_.

("Brooke Diamond," he'd said slowly, enunciating carefully to Carlos' bewildered expression. "She's considered the Estee Lauder of the Midwest."

"Right," Carlos had replied, still looking mystified. "So... do you wanna play some video games?")

James isn't used to all of this attention for no apparent reason; he's never had people text him random, silly things about whatever pops into their mind; he's never had someone burst into his room at five in the morning because "I missed your face, Diamond!"; he's never had someone stay up all night with him and let him whisper his fears into the darkness between them. He's never had a Carlos.

He's never had something - or someone - to look forward to.

~~ _**\---** _ ~~

James  _has_  been described as oblivious before, and it is, unfortunately, Kendall who sets the ball rolling.

"Dude," the blond says loudly one night, after Carlos has finally bid them goodbye and gone back to his own room to bother Logan.  
James barely glances up from his phone, grinning at a new text:  _omg logan told me to get lost!!! i think he is jealous of you?? god diamond just let him punch you in the FACE_  before directing a vague, "What?" in Kendall's direction. Kendall flops down on the couch next to James, waggling in his eyebrows as if that should explain everything. When it clearly doesn't, he sighs dramatically.

"Maybe you and Carlos should just make out and get it over with."

" _What_?" Kendall has his full attention now, and James pauses, his fingers hovering over his phone's keypad.

"I'm not gonna judge you guys and your weird mating ritual but watching you make puppy eyes at each other is getting a little old."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," James says slowly. Kendall has this all wrong. Seriously. Just because James has a little crush on Carlos, relies on him for support when things go wrong, spends most of his time with him - doesn't mean Carlos feels the same way. They're just friends.  _Best_  friends. "He just gets me," James shrugs, feeling uncomfortable with Kendall leering at him.

The blond sighs, shaking his head. "Whatever, man. All I'm saying is your feelings are totally mutual and you should just get on with it," he stretches his arms over his head with a yawn, ruffling James' hair (James kicks his shin in return) before stumbling over to his bed and passing out within minutes.

Well, okay. James stares down at the open text on his phone, feeling déjà vu; wasn’t he in a similar situation when he and Carlos had first met? He puts his phone beside him and leans back, closing his eyes.  
   
It’s true that he and Carlos have become incredibly close over the last few months – god, has it really been that long? James struggles to remember his life before all of this, before waking up with a smile knowing that whatever he and Carlos got up to today would be _fun_ , nothing like the business things his mother wants him to participate in. He can’t remember not having the shorter boy always there beside him, can’t remember hearing someone say “James” without shortly following with “…and Carlos.” They’re like two halves of a whole, two peas in a pod, and every other cliché James can think of; they just _are_.  
   
Then there’s their physical closeness; true, Kendall and Logan are always slapping each other on the back or throwing an arm around each other’s shoulders, but he and Carlos are _different_. James is pretty sure he’s never had a friend who he cuddled with as much as he does with Carlos – he almost cringes at himself for calling it ‘cuddling,’ but – when Carlos comes back from his last drama class of the day and immediately makes his way to James and Kendall’s room, squirming his way into James’ bed beside him and attaching himself to the taller’s side, what else is he supposed to call it?  
   
Not to mention the alarming number of times Kendall has caught them napping on the couch together, Carlos’ head nestled comfortably on James’ shoulder.  
   
“It’s not my fault this couch emits some strange, sleep-inducing… _thing_ ,” James says out loud, and Kendall laughs sleepily into his pillow on the other side of the room.  
   
And, okay, _maybe_ they hug each other more than is normal for two guys. But when you’re used to someone being there all the time, it’s hard to see them go, even for a few hours at a time.  
   
By the time James has turned his brain inside out and back thinking about everything he and Carlos do together and why Carlos couldn’t possibly return his feelings, it’s five in the morning and he has to be in class in two hours – running on no sleep. He sighs, rubbing his eyes and reaches for his phone, automatically going through the motions to text Carlos a good morning. He pauses, realizing what he’s doing.  
   
“Oh _God_ ,” James groans, slapping a hand over his face. He’s in way deeper than he thought.

 ~~ _ **\---**_~~  
   
James spends his entire business class thinking about Carlos.  
   
Every time he tries to pay attention, or direct his thoughts elsewhere, all he can focus on is the way Carlos’ head tilts back when he laughs, the way his eyes crinkle at the corners, the way he fits perfectly against James’ side. He sighs loudly and glares down at his laptop, violently punching a few keys in. The girl sitting next to him looks mildly alarmed and scoots away, but James can’t be bothered to apologize. He was perfectly fine just being Carlos’ friend, and now, all because of stupid _Kendall_ , he can’t stop thinking about if they could be more.  
   
As soon as the class is over he stuffs his laptop in his bag and bolts back to his room. Kendall is nowhere to be found, so he redirects himself to the door across the hall and knocks.  
   
When Camille opens the door a few seconds later, James can’t help but stare; she’s in an extremely tight, low-cut one piece bathing suit, her hair perfectly curled and flowing down her shoulders.  
   
“Hey!” she greets cheerfully, leaning against the doorframe.  
   
“Er, hey,” he returns, trying not to let his eyes stray anywhere south of her eyes. The conversation he wants to have would not go well if he preceded it by checking her out. “What’s going on?”  
   
“Just practicing my lines for a potential role on Palmwatch,” she explains, pointing excitedly to a script resting on a table inside. “It’s about this lifeguard who – “  
   
“Camille, I’m sure that’s really exciting, but I kinda need to talk to you about something,” James hurries along. Camille doesn’t even look offended at having been interrupted; she steps away from the door and lets him in, picking up her script before sitting on… a beach chair. James cocks his head as she slips on her sunglasses and turns on a lamp above her.  
   
“It’s to simulate the sun on the beach,” she says seriously, before gesturing for him to sit next to her. James shakes his head and smiles; she’s the most intense method actress he’s ever known. Once he’s settled on the floor beside her chair, she reaches out and pats him on the head. “So what’s wrong?”  
   
And, well. James doesn’t know where to begin. But it may as well be with –  
   
“So, I think I like Carlos.”  
   
“I already knew that,” he can tell without looking that Camille rolls her eyes along with this statement and he frowns, craning his neck to look at her.  
   
“Am I obvious or something? Do you think _he_ knows?” Camille leans forward and takes her sunglasses off, looking at him oddly. He wipes at his mouth, but there doesn’t seem to be anything on his face. Why is she looking at him like that?  
   
“Of course he knows,” she says, staring at him. “I would think he figured it out when you guys started dating.” James’ eyes widen and he opens his mouth, but nothing will come out. He flaps his hands wildly, trying to convey ‘we are not dating’ with flailing gestures and failing miserably.  
   
“We – it’s not – “  
   
“What?!” Camille yelps, practically throwing herself out of her chair to get a firm grip on James’ shoulders. “You’re not dating?” James shakes his head, a look of shock frozen on his face. Camille looks equally surprised. “Oh my God,” she releases him and sinks back into her chair, picking up the script again and rifling through it. “That must be why he looked at me weird when I gave him strawberry flavored lube and told him it was your favorite flavor… how embarrassing…”  
   
“That was told in _confidence_!” James yells, face becoming hot as Camille shrugs unapologetically. He sighs and slumps down, picking at the sandy colored rug and trying not to pout.  
   
“Well, what are you waiting for?”  
   
“What do you mean?”  
   
“Ugh,” Camille thwaps the top of him head with the script. “Why haven’t you asked him out? God, you two are all over each other.”  
   
“Don’t be _Kendall_ ,” James sniffs, rising to his feet. This visit has been no help at all. “I need a nap,” he declares, making his way to the door. He pauses right before he leaves, turning back to his friend. “Good luck with Palmwatch, you look really hot in that bathing suit!” he makes it out the door before Camille can throw her script at him.

 ~~ _ **\---**_~~  
   
When James wakes up he’s blissfully warm, pillow soft against his cheek and something fluffy brushing his collarbone. He lies there for a moment longer enjoying the silence and comfort before he realizes he’s also feeling a bit squished and cracks his eyes open slowly, glancing down. Carlos is tucked in beside him in his bed, hands curled up to James’ chest and head nestled into his neck. His breath and hair tickle his skin and James holds as still as possible, trying to keep his breathing even, but it’s useless.  
   
Like some sort of strange internal clock, Carlos always wakes up within minutes of James; he snuffles sleepily after a moment and then opens his eyes, staring straight at the chest in front of him. His nose crinkles as he yawns and James wants to kiss him _so badly_.  
   
Instead, he says, “Rise and shine. Thanks for joining me. When did you get here?”  
   
Carlos smiles sleepily and looks at the alarm clock over James’ shoulder. “About an hour ago,” he replies, and his voice is husky and low and James hates his life. The smaller boy doesn’t appear to notice the internal struggle going on in the other as he snuggles impossibly closer, curling into James’ warmth. “’m cold,” he murmurs.  
   
“It’s not my fault you throw all the covers off the bed when you sleep,” James says with a smirk but wraps his arm around his friend’s smaller body. He wishes they could stay like this forever.  
   
“What are you thinking about?” Carlos whispers.  
   
“Why are you whispering?” they both giggle even though it’s not very funny, and this is the best James has felt since he talked to Kendall last night. His eyes drift down to Carlos’ lips and he wonders at how easy it would be to just dip his head down, to stop worrying and just _do_.  
   
“James.” Brown eyes meet with his own, heavy-lidded with sleep and – something else. Carlos brings a hand up to trail a finger down the slope of James’ nose, tapping it lightly at the tip with a grin, and. That is _it_.  
   
James shimmies down so he and Carlos are at eye level before leaning forward and bumping their noses together, holding his breath for a rejection that never comes. Carlos smiles gently and almost closes the distance between them completely, one hand slipping up to stroke the skin on the back of James’ neck, and if that’s not an invitation then James doesn’t know what is.  
   
He presses his lips hesitantly against Carlos’ at first, then more firmly when he hears a small noise of appreciation from the other boy. He rubs his hand down the length of Carlos’ back, rucking up his shirt when he brings it back up and gasping slightly at the feeling of warm skin. James tilts his head to get a better angle and _there_ , it’s perfect, and he surges forward until he’s half on top of Carlos, the two of them trading kisses of increasing intensity.  
   
Carlos tips his head back and James is just about to give attention to the newly exposed skin of his neck when they hear someone clear their throat from the door. They freeze, staring at each other, before quickly scrambling up and off the bed, straightening their clothes as they go. James looks at Carlos in a daze; his lips are red and wet and his hair is a mess, evidence of their activities in plain sight.  
   
“Well I _never_ ,” a sarcastic voice that sounds suspiciously like Kendall declares, and James winces before looking toward the door. He was right. The blond and Logan are standing just inside the door, smug looks on their faces. “God, can’t go anywhere these days without someone having a sex riot in my room.” Kendall sighs dramatically, heading over to the mini fridge and grabbing himself and Logan something to drink.  
   
“We were not having a _sex riot_ ,” James hisses, shooting a scandalized look in Carlos’ direction, who doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed about the whole situation. He just laughs and attempts to flatten his rumpled hair, eyes meeting James’ after a moment.  
   
“Get a room!” Kendall yells.  
   
“We had one!” James rolls his eyes, jerking his head toward the door and raising his eyebrows at Carlos. The shorter boy nods, following him for a few steps before pausing. He turns around and has some sort of silent conversation with Logan that consists of eyebrow raising and interesting facial expressions, and James follows absolutely none of it.  
   
“Fine, you can go to our room!” Logan finally blurts aloud, and Carlos smiles triumphantly.  
   
“Bye guys!” he turns his grin to James and curls his fingers gently around a wrist, pulling the taller along with him. The walk to the other end of the hall is short, and James focuses all of his energy on _not_ shoving Carlos against a wall and continuing where they left off. He can wait until they get to the room. Probably.  
   
Only, Carlos beats him to it. Instead of reaching to open the door, the shorter boy grabs the collar of James shirt and spins him around, pinning him to the sturdy wood and smiles slyly up at him.  
   
“So, that happened,” he says, leaning up on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around James’ neck and brush a kiss against his lips. He doesn’t understand how Carlos is so adorable and sexy at the same time.  
   
“Indeed it did,” James follows his lips when he pulls away, coaxing Carlos’ mouth open slightly, fitting his arms around the shorter boy’s waist. They kiss slowly for a while, right there in the hall, hands gently exploring and finding sensitive spots on the other’s skin. When Carlos carefully parts James’ lips with his tongue and tucks his thumbs into his waistband, James pulls back reluctantly.  
   
Carlos pouts, keeping him close. “What?”  
   
“As much as I would _love_ to continue this, _seriously_ , if Bitters catches us out here you can bet we’re facing consequences.” Mr. Bitters, their RA, is only happy when everyone else is as unhappy as he can possibly make them.  
   
“’Kay, let’s take it inside then,” Carlos reaches around James to push the door open, crowding him into the room. James almost trips when he backs into a stray shoe but manages to catch his balance, looking around.  
   
He’s never been in here; Carlos always comes to his and Kendall’s room, or they go out or hang in the lounge. He eyes the pristine floor and beds and wonders if Logan’s obsession with cleanliness is the reason that no one else is allowed in here.  
   
Carlos is watching him with a small smile on his face; now that they’re here, alone, he seems – unsure. Like maybe he thinks James won’t want this after all. And, that simply won’t do.  
   
He makes quick work of getting them back to where they left off; Carlos’ hands are soon buried in his hair, pulling occasionally when James makes a particularly thorough sweep of his tongue in his mouth. James sucks the shorter boy’s lip, reveling in the moan he receives in return, Carlos’ voice raspier than usual as he gasps and licks in all the right places. James is just slipping a hand up Carlos’ shirt when his phone vibrates in his back pocket. They both groan, and James chooses to ignore it, pulling back to trail his lips down to Carlos’ pulse point. He bites down before licking it gently, hoping Carlos doesn’t mind if it marks. He hopes it does.  
   
James’ phone vibrates again, and Carlos reaches into his back pocket to retrieve it. He squints at the screen before handing it to James, and this is so ridiculous because they’re still so close to each other and _panting_ and James really wants to continue making out right now, thank you very much. But he glances at the screen and it’s his mother, so he looks at Carlos apologetically and hits the button to answer it.  
   
“Hello?”  
   
“James!” She sounds delighted, and that’s never a good thing.  
   
“How are you, mom?” he subconsciously brings his hand up to wipe at the corner of Carlos’ mouth, smiling when the brunet nuzzles against his hand.  
   
“Oh, I’m great, honey. Listen, I can’t talk for long – I just wanted to let you know I’ll be dropping by for a visit next weekend. Mark your calendar! Kisses.” The line goes dead before James can even respond. He pulls the phone from his ear to stare at it.  
   
“Well?” Carlos smiles up at him, pulling him closer by the waist and leaning on James’ chest. James’ inner teenage girl is practically squealing.  
   
“My mom’s coming here to visit next weekend, apparently…” he slips the phone back into his pocket and braces his hands on either side of Carlos, bracketing his body.  
   
“So I’m already gonna get to meet the family?” Carlos grins, leaning up to kiss James quickly to show he’s kidding. But, James thinks, that may not be such a bad idea. Maybe his mom will actually show more interest in his life if there are things going on in it.  
   
“If you think you can handle her.”  
   
“Oh, I can handle her,” Carlos says seriously, nodding. “I’ll just show her the ol’ Garcia charm, same way I reeled her son in.” He throws an exaggerated wink up at James, who can’t help but laugh. Carlos is really anything but suave. He’s cute, clumsy, crazy, and everything James never knew he wanted until he got it.  
   
He hopes his mom won’t scare him away.

 ~~ _ **\---**_~~  
   
“Oh, my God,” James breathes out, fingers twitching against his sides. Carlos smiles, he can feel it against his skin, the shorter boy’s mouth moving slowly down his stomach, sucking kisses into the toned muscle. “Are you sure about this?”  
   
Carlos huffs out a laugh against him and James can feel it to the tips of his toes, one hand jerking to rest on a tan shoulder. Instead of answering, a pair of lips wrap themselves around the head of his cock and James forces himself not to thrust forward, stay pinned against the wall. Their first time going further than making out won’t be as enjoyable if Carlos is gagging halfway through, he thinks.  
   
Carlos glances up at him through his lashes and James inhales sharply – he’s _gorgeous_ , all flushed skin and messy hair and bruised lips and _god_ , now he’s bobbing up and down and practically to the base and –  
   
James groans and leans forward, bringing his hands up to grip Carlos’ hair. He tugs slightly, and the answering moan he gets sends vibrations tingling up his spine. Carlos pulls back to suck at the head, leaving open-mouthed kisses there before licking up the shaft and biting playfully at the inside of James’ thigh.  
   
“Carlos…” James’ head thumps against the wall, and he really hopes the guys who live next door to he and Kendall aren’t home right now because that could end up being embarrassing. Carlos drives those thoughts out of his head with a long lick along his balls and back up to the head, pausing with his mouth hovering over it.  
   
He smirks, his lips brushing against the head as he asks, “Do you wanna fuck my mouth?”  
   
James jerks forward with a gasp, unintentionally thrusting against Carlos’ cheek and smearing pre-come all over it. Instead of looking annoyed, Carlos laughs and reaches up to stroke him a few times before guiding him back into his mouth, relaxing his jaw and looking up at James expectantly. The brunet takes a shuddering breath, trying to get himself under control before beginning to push forward and back slowly, letting Carlos get used to the pace. Carlos moves his hands to James’ thighs, caressing them lightly, swirling his tongue around. When James feels his tip bump against the back of Carlos’ throat he groans and speeds up, tugging the hair in his grip harder, familiar heat beginning to curl below his stomach.  
   
“I’m gonna – ” he warns, trying to pull his boyfriend’s head back (he allows himself to feel giddy for a moment, because _boyfriend_ , he can say that now). Carlos bats him away and keeps his mouth on him, reaching up to roll James’ balls gently with one hand and dig his nails into a hipbone with the other. James comes with a gasp, moving to cup Carlos’ hollowed cheeks and stroke them gently as he swallows around James’ cock. He pulls back slowly, and James groans when the last bit of his come drips onto Carlos’ red, used mouth.  
   
Carlos licks his lips and grins, starting to get to his feet. “Good?”  
James grabs his wrist before he can fully stand up, bringing him close for a searing kiss, licking into Carlos’ mouth to taste a mixture of himself and the boy’s own unique flavor. He walks them over to his bed, tipping Carlos onto it first before climbing in after him, half on top. James works on sucking a bruise into Carlos’ neck as he trails his hand down to unbutton his boyfriend’s jeans, pushing them down as far as he can before shoving a hand down his boxers. Carlos gasps, thrusting up into James’ grip and trying to angle his head for a kiss.  
   
“Nope,” James growls, biting down on the smooth skin below Carlos’ jaw, jerking his cock in rough pulls that have them both gasping. He brings his hand up to lick his palm before gripping the shorter boy again, the wetness making it easier to form a smooth rhythm, twisting when he gets to the head. Carlos writhes beneath him, moans and gasps escaping his mouth that have James rutting up against his side, not quite ready to get hard again.  
   
“James,” Carlos grunts, canting his hips up and wrapping his arms around James’ shoulders, pulling him completely on top. James braces himself above Carlos, moving his hand to adjust to the awkward angle. They kiss sloppily, Carlos unable to do little more than lick James’ lips through his haze of pleasure, hands slipping down James’ back to rest just above his hips. When Carlos’ breathing speeds up and his hands curl tightly against his back, James speeds up his strokes, sucking the shorter boy’s bottom lip between his own. Carlos groans into his release, striping the inside of his boxers and James’ hand with come.  
   
As they both lie there panting, James pulls his hand out and wipes it on the leg of Carlos’ underwear, making the shorter boy whine.  
   
“Gross!”  
   
“They’re already dirty anyway,” James laughs, even as Carlos kicks and wiggles his way out of them, throwing them into the middle of the room along with his jeans. He settles back down against James, warm and sated, snuggling into his chest. James sighs, stroking his hair, but he knows they can’t stay like this. Kendall could be home at any minute and James doesn’t want to deal with his complaining again.  
   
“Wait,” Carlos frowns when James makes a move to get up, throwing a leg over his thighs and dragging him back down. “Just for a little bit.” James rolls his eyes but grabs the blanket at the foot of his bed anyway, dragging it up to cover them. He slings his arm over Carlos’ torso to bring him that much closer, the two of them naked and squished together on the bed, noses and lips brushing as they watch each other just breathe.  
   
James eventually feels the calm afterglow lulling him to sleep, the steady rhythm of Carlos’ heart and breaths becoming his entire world, his eyelids growing heavy. The last thing he feels before he passes out is the fluttering of Carlos’ eyelashes against his cheek, and a hand held over his heart.


	2. part 2

This time when James wakes up, Carlos doesn’t follow immediately.

He’s glad; it gives him time to memorize the way Carlos’ lashes fan out against his skin, the way his nose slopes down to his parted mouth, the way his lips twitch slightly in his sleep. James smiles down at him – he could get used to waking up like this everyday. He hears a key jiggle in the lock and has no time to move before Kendall steps in.

“Unbelievable!” he makes no attempt to be quiet in his arrival, slamming the door after his outburst. James winces, sitting up in the bed and daring a glance at his roommate. Kendall is standing by the door, business book in hand, shaking his head and looking pointedly at the clothes strewn all across the floor. Carlos stirs slightly, rolling himself to drape across James’ chest happily. It does nothing to quell the annoyed look on Kendall’s face.

“I’m sorry, okay!” James whisper-yells as the blond stalks over to his bed, depositing his book on the desk beside it. “We just got… carried away.”

“I told you I’d be back from class in an hour and a half,” Kendall hisses, leaning down to yank his shoes off. He tosses them in the middle of the floor with the soiled clothes, apparently not caring what they have on them. “You couldn’t have kept it in your pants that long or, I don’t know, found somewhere else to go? Put a sock on the door? Anything!”

“I know,” James groans, leaning back and taking Carlos with him. “I’m sorry.”

Kendall rolls his eyes. “Whatever, man. But you do realize it’s the weekend your mom’s visiting, right?”

“What?!” James sits up abruptly, jostling Carlos by mistake. The brunet glares up at him, eyes heavy with sleep and hair deliciously rumpled. “Oh my God, I forgot. Carlos, let’s get dressed, my mom is – ” The three fall silent when there are three crisp knocks on the door.

“Maybe it’s Logan,” Kendall says hopefully, wincing when James shoots him a look.

“James, honey! It’s mommy!”

“Or maybe it’s my mom,” James attempts to wiggle out from underneath Carlos, who has already half-fallen back asleep, a dead weight against his chest. “Kendall, you distract her, I’ll lend Carlos something to wear and – ”

“James, it’s rude to keep your mother waiting.” James shrieks (in a very manly way, no matter how Kendall will describe it later) and yanks the covers up to his chest and over Carlos’ shoulders. The shorter boy blinks his eyes open and whines. When he spots Brooke Diamond, hands on her hips and clad in the highest heels ever created, surely, he freezes, eyes flicking to Kendall’s panicked face and back.

“This looks weird, right,” James tries.

“How did you get in here?” Kendall asks fearfully.

“Your wonderful RA gave me a key,” Mrs. Diamond sighs.

“Can I get some clothes on?” Carlos whispers to James’ chest.

All in all, it’s not the most ideal way James had hoped Carlos would meet his mother.

\---

After James and Carlos make themselves decent, Mrs. Diamond comes back into the room, dragging two suitcases in behind her.

“Uh, don’t you want to stay at a hotel, mom?” James asks, knees buckling as she deposits one of them in his arms. Kendall grabs the handle and helps him haul it over to the closet, the two of them huffing as they drop it on the floor.

“What is in there?” Kendall hisses, hand flying to his back and stretching.

“Money. Makeup. Weapons of mass destruction,” James suggests in a whisper, shrugging and returning to Carlos’ side. The shorter boy is eyeing his mother nervously, hesitant smile on his face as she looks him up and down.

“The least you can do is house me for a visit, James,” Mrs. Diamond reprimands him, finally moving her scrutinizing gaze to Kendall. The blond shifts awkwardly, trying for a smile and ending up looking like he’s smelled something foul. Mrs. Diamond lifts her eyebrows and stalks over to his bed.

“I suppose this will have to do. I’ll only be here for the night.”

“What,” Kendall splutters, turning wide eyes on James. He shrugs frantically, trying to convey without words that his mother will be dictating the entire visit and the only thing the rest of them can do is sit back and watch. It’s been this way his whole life; his mother is the hurricane and James is just the eye of the storm, calmly waiting his turn for people to notice him and not just his name.

“Mom, you can take my bed.”

“Where will you sleep?” she waves his offer away impatiently.

“You can stay with me and Logan,” Carlos suggests. James smiles down at him, leaning and bumping their hips together in thanks. Mrs. Diamond watches them carefully before shaking her head.

“No, no, you two will stay in here with me and Blondie here can stay with this Logan.” James’ smile falters. His lips tighten, a refusal aching to slip past them, but he holds back. Like always. He and Carlos will just have to watch themselves for the next two days until his mother leaves, and he’s sure Kendall won’t mind sharing a room with Logan.

“Blondie’s name is Kendall,” Kendall says, and James pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers. It seems Kendall has already reverted to his natural sassy ways, but he’s never dealt with someone quite like his mother. Mrs. Diamond turns her attention back to him and smiles slowly, condescension lacing her lips.

“Kendall, I’m not quite sure what makes you think I wanted to know your name, but now I do, so there’s no remedying that. If you would, please spare me from anymore superfluous details while you gather the things you will need for this weekend and make your exit as quickly as possible. I would really love to get settled and catch up with my son, we have so much to talk about.”

James smiles apologetically as Kendall races around his bed, throwing a change of clothes and his books into an overnight bag before sparing a last glare at his roommate and practically sprinting out the door. Carlos sidles closer to James, probably wondering when Mrs. Diamond’s interrogation of him will begin.

“James, you’re being rude. Introduce me to your friend.”

“Uh,” James stalls, nervously tucking his arm around Carlos’ shoulders. “Mom, this is Carlos, my… my uh, my boyfriend.” His interest in men has never been a secret; that’s not the problem here. It’s just that he knows his mother has expectations for him, and Carlos doesn’t meet them. But if there’s one thing he’s willing to stand up for, after all he’s given up for her, it’s this.

As if reading his mind, Mrs. Diamond raises her eyebrows and doesn’t even spare Carlos another glance. “Nice to meet you,” she says shortly, and Carlos visibly deflates.

“You too,” he says softly, eyebrows scrunching up, confused. James gets it; he supposes no one has ever met Carlos and not instantly taken to him.

“So,” his mother continues, bustling back to the door to retrieve her other bag. “I have a meeting tomorrow morning that I simply can’t miss, and then I thought we could have lunch together before I have to leave for my flight. But today, I’d like to fill you in on the newest development in the company…”

“Mom,” James groans. “I thought you were here to visit, not to groom me more on the business.” Brooke Diamond’s sharp eyes flick up to meet his, and James feels Carlos physically shudder beside him.

“That attitude won’t get you anywhere when you’re CEO.”

“If I’m CEO,” James mutters under his breath, thankful that Mrs. Diamond has already moved onto something else and hasn’t heard him.

She leaves no room for discussion; as much as James tries he can’t talk her out of using their time this way instead of catching up, and after ten minutes of non-stop back and forth he throws his hands in the air, frowning at Carlos apologetically.

“That’s okay, I’ll, uh, just go see what Kendall and Logan are doing…” the shorter boy stutters, beginning to walk backwards toward the door. James follows him, meeting him in the doorway.

“I’ll call you when she’s done. I’m sorry,” he whispers, glancing at his mother’s turned back before quickly dipping down to kiss Carlos on the cheek. Carlos shrugs and smiles, waving as he heads down the hall to his own room. James shuts the door slowly, resting his forehead against the cool wood and willing his annoyance to go away. It’s hard enough dealing with his mother in a good mood.

“You know how I feel about this, James,” Mrs. Diamond clucks, taking a seat at Kendall’s desk. She manages to look menacing even with Kendall’s stupid Spiderman posters littering the wall behind her. “You can’t have anything distracting you from your studies. If you expect to take over Diamond Industries some day…”

“I know, mother,” James drones dully, taking a seat on the couch and dropping his head in his hands. It’s a conversation they’ve had many times before, and every time he finds himself more reluctant to tell her the truth – taking over the company is about the last thing he wants to do. All he wants to do is find something that will make him happy.

“And, honey, I’m sure you can find an acceptable woman to date. I don’t see why you feel the need to date men when you know the Diamond line must continue.”

James’ hands tighten in his hair. “I – I know.” He doesn’t tell her how he’s the happiest he’s ever been since Carlos came into his life, how he can’t imagine being with anyone else, how Carlos can brighten his day with just a smile. He doesn’t say anything else, and knows that she wouldn’t hear it anyway.

“I just want what’s best for you,” Mrs. Diamond sighs, and James thinks, that’s not true. He wonders what it’s like to have someone who cares about you above all other things. He finds that he can’t imagine what that’s like at all.

\---

Two hours later, James is truly fed up with looking at all of the reports and employee files Mrs. Diamond has brought with her. He tries to look apologetic every time she catches him dozing off, but it’s hard not to seem like he wants to be somewhere else when he very clearly does.

After the fifth time, she closes her binder with a loud snap and James jerks up, looking around wildly. He rubs his eyes and smiles sheepishly at his mother’s disapproving glare.

“Sorry, mom, it’s just… I didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“If you had just stuck to the simple schedule I outlined for your college career that wouldn’t be a problem,” Mrs. Diamond scoffs. James’ jaw clenches and his sweeps his hand across his eyes again, frustrated and just tired. He’s so tired. He finds himself fleetingly thinking of Carlos, his carefree way of going about things, and James wishes so badly it could be that easy for him.

“I think that’s enough for today,” he whispers. He doesn’t have to look up to know his mother is disappointed.

When there’s a knock on the door and Carlos pokes his head in, James feels himself relax by fractions and waves, increasing when the shorter boy offers him a smile and steps in, softly closing the door behind him.

“Kendall and Logan went to see a movie, but… I figured I’d come here to see if you were all done,” he says tentatively. James crosses the room in three short strides and pulls him into a hug, resting his cheek atop Carlos’ head and just breathes. It’s the calmest he’s been all day. Carlos fists his hands in James’ shirt at the waist and murmurs a soothing sound, and James wonders what his mother thinks.

Wonders what she sees when she looks at him.

\---

It’s nearing midnight when Mrs. Diamond’s light snores finally begin floating through the room and James sighs in relief, sagging against the headboard of his bed. Carlos shimmies up to fit his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder and rubs his chest soothingly, and in the soft moonlight coming in from the window James can see a sympathetic smile on his face.

“So, that’s my mom,” he whispers, grinning weakly. Carlos laughs quietly and kisses him on his bare shoulder; they’d both shucked their shirts off before getting into bed, much to Mrs. Diamond’s silent disapproval.

“She seems…”

James rolls his eyes. “You don’t need to lie. I know what’s she’s like.”

“I was going to say forceful.” They both laugh this time, muffling their giggles so they don’t wake her up.

“I’m sorry she kicked you out today,” James murmurs, bringing a hand up to run through the hair at the back of Carlos’ head and smoothing it down. “The thing is… my mom expects a lot of things from me.” Carlos makes a small noise to show that he’s listening. “She wants me to take over Diamond Industries when I’m older and have this picture perfect family, but – that’s not me. It’s like she doesn’t know me at all.” James pauses, lets the feel of Carlos’ skin warm against his ground him, calm him. “I used to dream about being a singer,” he confesses quietly. He’s never told anyone that before.

“What do you dream about now?” Carlos asks, voice barely above a whisper.

“Escaping.”

They’re quiet for a while, and James thinks Carlos has fallen asleep until he begins to speak, lips brushing against bare skin.

“I know you’ve never defied your mom – she’s all you have, and I get that. I do. But, James…” he sighs, “This isn’t what you want. Anyone can see that – she just chooses not to. And – and I know that you can do this. You’re perfectly qualified to take over the company, but… is it worth it at the expense of your happiness?”

James closes his eyes, gripping Carlos’ hand where it lies on his chest. He holds his breath for a moment before letting it out, trying to synchronize their breathing. It calms him. “I never wanted to be a disappointment.”

Carlos squeezes his hand. Says, “You aren’t.” And more quietly, “I believe in you.”

\---

Mrs. Diamond has already left for her meeting by the time they wake up the next morning. James is glad; it’s nice to wake up to Carlos’ steady breathing rather than more lectures from his mother. He glances at the clock; he doesn’t have to meet her for lunch for another few hours, he doesn’t have class – today is already turning out to be perfect.

James turns his attention to the boy sprawled across his chest; Carlos is stirring slightly, a sign that he’ll be waking up any minute. James helps him along, pressing sleep-warm kisses into his neck, trailing his hands down to run over Carlos’ bare back.

“Mmm, morning,” he yawns finally, tilting his mouth towards James for a kiss. He obliges, ignoring the fact that they both have morning breath, laughing when Carlos nips his lips playfully. The shorter boy sighs and wraps his arms around James’ neck, pulling him down to deepen the kiss. Their tongues touch tentatively, sleepily at first, but when James feels Carlos growing hard against his hip he growls and surges forward, licking his way along his boyfriend’s teeth.

Carlos groans and opens his mouth more widely, shoving his thigh between James’ legs. He ruts there shamelessly, the friction drawing whimpers from the back of his throat. James clumsily strips them both out of their boxers while sucking a line of kisses down the shorter boy’s neck, careful to be gentle where there are already bruises from his teeth. He gasps when Carlos takes both of their cocks in hand, but it’s too dry, not enough.  
“One sec,” he mumbles into Carlos’ skin and rolls toward the bedside table, fumbling in the drawer and pulling out a small tube. He spreads some of the lube on his fingers, replaces Carlos’ hand with his own and starts to stroke them. Carlos lets out a breath sharply, digging his fingers into James’ hipbones and thrusting into his fist.

“Shh,” James soothes, grunting himself when a particular twist of his hand brushes the sensitive skin of his head.

“Mm,” Carlos bats his hand away and takes over himself. The pace is faster, rougher than James usually likes but he finds himself panting, trying not to buck his hips. He trails his hand down blindly, fingers still slick with lube, to stroke the skin of Carlos’ balls before moving even further back. Carlos gasps when James circles his hole with a finger, petting the sensitive skin lightly.

“Is this okay?” James whispers, voice low with arousal. Carlos looks at him with hooded eyes for a moment before pressing back against James’ finger, allowing it to slip slightly inside. They both moan, and Carlos bites his lip, pushing back against it. James works it in slowly up to the knuckle, pulling out again and back in, allowing Carlos to get used to the feel of being stretched open. He continues to jerk their cocks more slowly, hand moving up whenever James pushes in.

He nudges a second finger at Carlos’ hole and it slides in next to the first fairly easily, the shorter boy clenching momentarily before relaxing, sighing into James’ collarbone. James kisses him softly, tonguing at Carlos’ lower lip and crooking his fingers slightly, brushing up against the bundle of nerves inside. Carlos’ entire body arches against him and he grasps at his boyfriend’s arm, wide-eyed and mouth slack. James hums and pushes at the same spot again and again, scraping his teeth across the tanned skin below him and thrusting into Carlos’ accelerated grip on them.

“Oh God,” Carlos chokes out, releasing James and squeezing at his own cock’s base, breath becoming harsh. “Stop, stop, I’m gonna come.”

“That’s kinda the point,” James smirks, reaching down and taking the shorter boy’s length in his hand, rubbing at the tip. He adds a third finger inside of Carlos and develops a steady rhythm of in and out, mouthing at his earlobe. Carlos squirms breathlessly, torn between thrusting into James’ fist and pushing back against his fingers. James moves his thumb lightly to brush against the sensitive skin of Carlos’ hole and that’s it, he’s gasping and coming between them, wet and warm.

“Guh,” he says, slumping against James’ shoulder, mouthing at it between pants.

“Mhm,” James agrees, pulling his fingers out carefully and wiping the excess lube on the sheets. Carlos reaches out blindly for his cock a moment later, taking it in hand and fisting it once, twice. James’ release sneaks up on him quickly and his hips jolt up involuntarily while Carlos jerks him through it.

“Umm,” Carlos sighs a minute later. “We should probably shower.” He stares down at the mess between them, and James watches his nose crinkle and wants to kiss it.

“Yeah,” he says instead, getting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Carlos grumbles and makes grabby hands at him but James fends him off, grinning and grabbing clothes from his dresser. “Borrow whatever you want, or I guess you could make a run for your room and hope no one sees you.” He slips his boxers back on, not bothering to dress the rest of the way for the short walk to the showers.

“Kay,” Carlos replies, watching him unashamedly. James makes sure to sway his hips exaggeratedly as he leaves and grins when he hears Carlos’ choked laugh behind him.

\---

When James returns from the showers, toweling furiously at his still-wet hair, Carlos is sprawled out on the bed in nothing but one of James’ old hockey jerseys. It’s big on his smaller frame but still barely covers his lower half, but James is more distracted by the fact that now Carlos will smell like him. His groin stirs in interest and he shakes his head, dropping the towel on his boyfriend’s face as he passes on his way to the dresser.

Carlos flails minimally and paws the towel off, chucking it into the middle of the room. “I don’t want to move,” he moans, rolling around on top of the bed and looking generally ridiculous. James rolls his eyes fondly, buttoning up a shirt while Carlos slowly gets to his feet, dragging them along the floor until he can pillow his head against the taller boy’s chest.

James pets his hair absent-mindedly, glancing down and noticing a slip of paper on his bedside table. He frowns and reaches for it – the curling script on the outside indicates it’s from his mother, and his first urge is to crumple it up and throw it away, because nothing good can come from this, because what’s inside can’t be any better than what she’s already said to him. He opens it up instead, Carlos looking up curiously at the sound of crinkling.

“’Dear Jamie,’” he reads aloud, cringing at the nickname. Carlos snickers. “’Mommy’s got a meeting until noon, meet me at that adorable little shop across from your school’s library at one. We can have a quick lunch before I catch my flight!’ Ugh,” he tosses the paper into the small bin beside his bed, curling his arms around Carlos to pull him closer.

“I wish I could go with you,” Carlos sighs. “I would if I didn’t have class.”

“I know. It’s probably better that you didn’t. My mom isn’t known to become more pleasant with prolonged exposure. In fact, the opposite usually happens…”

Carlos huffs a laugh against his chest, but his gaze flickers down, away.

People are full of contradictions, James thinks suddenly, taking in his Carlos’ unsure expression. They say forever and then leave when trying becomes too much; they tell you you can be anything when your entire future is already planned out; they believe in you and then –

And then.

But there is nothing to follow that thought, because Carlos does still believe in him, wants to be there even while Mrs. Diamond attempts to drive him away, and James blinks, but Carlos is still there. He’s still real.

“I – ” James says, choking on his words. Carlos looks up at him, brown eyes huge and sincere. When he sees that James can’t get anything else out his arms tighten around his waist, hand at the small of James’ back a solid reminder of warm mornings in bed, late night sleepy conversations, and everything in between.

“I know,” Carlos whispers.

And maybe he does.

\---

The “little shop” James meets his mother at turns out to be the same place he and Carlos had their first date, and isn’t that just ironic. He smiles as he opens the flimsy plastic menu, remembering the way Carlos had asked for the kid’s menu just so he could get the small pack of crayons that came with it.

“James,” Mrs. Diamond says sternly when he decides on a plate of macaroni and cheese with a side of corn dogs – Carlos’ favorite. “I would advise you to choose something… classier when dining with future clients.” James clenches his teeth, handing the menu back to their waiter with a forced smile.

“I’m sure people couldn’t care less about what I eat, mom.”

Mrs. Diamond scoffs, pointedly looking down at her own menu until the waiter grabs it and scurries off. “You have a lot to learn about business.”

“Maybe – maybe I don’t want to learn about business.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” James sighs, fiddling with the straw sticking out of his water. He swirls the ice in the cup around, wishing he were back at his dorm. He hasn’t seen Kendall since he left to stay with Logan and he actually finds himself missing the blond’s sarcastic comments and obnoxious dimples.

“James, I don’t understand,” his mother presses on, fingers at her temples and a confused look on her face. James thinks, you never do. “You’re taking business classes, doing fairly well in them last I heard – are the teachers favoring other students? Do they know who you are?”

“Of course they know who I am,” James says with more force than he means to, wincing when Mrs. Diamond’s eyes darken. “That’s… that’s the problem. And the classes, I’m – my grades are dropping. I hate them. I can’t concentrate, they bore me – “

“I knew this college was a bad idea. I wanted you to go to Harvard but you wouldn’t listen to me. Maybe this will teach you a lesson, James.”

“The college isn’t the problem, mother,” James sits back in his seat, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He glances at the window beside their table, watches the people walk by while he tries to calm down again. There’s someone on the steps of the library across the road strumming a guitar and singing, and James feels a longing deep in his chest that feels like he’s just been punched.

“This is about that Carlos boy, isn’t it,” Mrs. Diamond’s voice is quiet, her words razor sharp. James looks back at her warily. Her lip curls in a cruel smile. “He’s brainwashed you. He’s only with you for your inheritance – does he know you don’t gain access to your trust fund until next year?”

“Stop.”

“And what will you do if you don’t take over the business? You can’t finance a whole life for someone just with the money in that fund. You’ll run out, he’ll leave you – “

“Mom, stop,” James’ voice cracks slightly at the end, and he stares at the table, breathing hard. He closes his eyes tightly, tries to pretend this isn’t happening. This can’t be happening – he’s spent his entire life going along with his mother’s plans, doing everything she wanted him to do, and this is how he’s repaid? “You – you can’t… talk about him that way. Carlos isn’t like that.”

Mrs. Diamond snorts softly, but James plows on.

“He’s… different. He’s loud, and talks too much, and kicks off all of the blankets, and holds my hand when I’m trying to ignore everyone, but – he believes in me. Carlos gives me something you couldn’t for my entire life, and – and I’m done waiting for you, mom. I’m done waiting for you to realize I’m not just your puppet.” James stands up slowly, pushing his chair back just as the waiter comes to set down their food. He pulls out his wallet and slaps a twenty on the table, not meeting his mother’s eyes.

When he starts to walk away she catches him by the wrist, pulls him close. “You’re going to regret this decision, James.”

“Actually?” James pulls free from her, feels a smile growing on his lips. “I don’t think I will.”

When the door of the shop closes behind him, it feels like a beginning.

\---

Kendall is changing the sheets on his bed when James bursts into the dorm, and the yelp the blond lets out heightens James’ mood even more.

“God, this room has not been good to me,” Kendall grumps, flinging the sheets onto the floor (their default storage area) and starting on the pillowcases. “How’d lunch with your mom go? I’m not gonna lie, I’m glad she’s gone; Logan has way too many rules. He made me fold my socks before I went to sleep. Fold my socks.” He shakes a pillow at James for emphasis, eyes wide.

The brunet rolls his eyes. “Just because you have some strange aversion to folding clothes doesn’t mean we all do.”

“Socks, Diamond!”

“Anyway, lunch with my mom was – interesting,” he absent-mindedly picks up the sheets from the floor and tosses them into the laundry basket in the corner, carefully raking his eyes over the room to make sure Mrs. Diamond hasn’t left anything behind.

“Do tell,” Kendall says as he struggles with another pillow, falling backwards on his bed. They both look up when the door opens, Logan and Carlos poking their heads inside.

“We heard Kendall’s shriek,” Logan announces as they step in, smirking at the flailing blond.

“It was not a shriek,” Kendall insists, finally yanking the pillowcase off and letting out a hoot of victory. He tosses it at Logan’s head and cackles when it hits smack dab in the middle of his face.

While they’re distracted, Carlos slides up to tuck himself into James’ side, linking their arms together and looking up at him nervously. “How was it?”

James looks down at him; sees hesitance, and guardedness, and every other thing Carlos shouldn’t be, and his mother’s words are still making rounds in his head but if there’s one thing James has ever been sure about it’s the person standing next to him.

He moves so they’re facing each other, takes Carlos’ hands; the latter watches him curiously, a half-smile on his face, and James wants nothing more than to open himself up, lay everything he feels down for Carlos to see and hope, just hope, that he reciprocates, but – it’s too soon for that. His mother’s words are too fresh, the wounds inflicted too new and James knows it’ll take time to convince himself he’s something without her, to assure Carlos he’s not going anywhere.

“You know,” James whispers, leaning in until all he can see is Carlos, can only feel breaths on his face and hands in his own, “it was pretty all right.”

Carlos’ smile lights up his whole face, and when James leans in to kiss him, he can’t help but think that, for Carlos, he has all the time in the world.


	3. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And when I say epilogue, I just mean an excuse for me to write more sex. Yay!

The floor is cold when James’ knees hit it; he shivers as goosebumps form up through his legs, prickle on his bare thighs. Carlos’ palms are the opposite, warm and firm on his shoulders, and James blinks slowly up at him, arousal clouding his thoughts.  
   
Carlos is practically glowing, or maybe it’s the sunshine filtering in through the window behind him – either way he looks amazing, like an angel, and James needs to suck his cock _right now._ He brings up a hand to stroke Carlos a few times before licking at the slit level with his mouth, smiling when his boyfriend groans and tightens his grip on broad shoulders. James continues his small kitten licks at the head, even as Carlos tries to jerk forward and get in his mouth.  
   
“You promised no teasing,” he growls, hands moving to James’ hair and pulling, and James mouths down the shaft of his cock, smiling against the base and licking back up.  
   
“I lied,” he whispers, before finally taking the head into his mouth.  
   
“Fuck,” Carlos sighs, leaning forward to watch as James works down further, taking more in, all the while flicking his tongue around the head, the taste of salty pre-come embedding itself in his mouth. He hollows his mouth and moves his head all the way down, lips meeting his fingers at the base, and Carlos let’s out a strangled gasp, legs shaking. James pulls off with a wet pop.  
   
“Turn around,” he orders, breath hot against Carlos’ thighs and cock. The shorter boy flips himself around quickly, bracing his arms on the bed and spreading his legs, breath coming more quickly even before James has done anything.  
   
“Come on,” Carlos whines after a moment of James just staring at the tanned skin in front of him. He pushes his butt back insistently, and James lets out a short huff of laughter before leaning in to nuzzle at the small of his back. He places a small kiss there and moves lower, bringing his hands up to squeeze the firm muscle of Carlos’ ass between his hands and spreading him.  
   
James leans in and breathes hotly against Carlos’ hole, relishing the groan that comes from above. He licks gently against the sensitive ring of muscle there, tonguing at it until he can slip the tip inside, curling it into Carlos’ body.  
   
“Oh my,” Carlos thrusts back, panting harshly, knuckles white where they’re clenched on the bed. “ _God_.”  
   
James pulls back, replacing his tongue with the tip of his finger, grinning up at the back of his boyfriend’s neck. “You can call me James.”  
   
“Shut _up_ ,” Carlos growls, wrenching his body away for a moment to fumble around in the night stand. James sits back on his knees and smiles, appreciating the view of Carlos’ bare butt high in the air as he digs around in the drawer. This would be so much faster if they were in he and Kendall’s room, but the blond also has a bad habit of showing up right after they’ve finished their _alone time_. Carlos emerges with his hand held triumphantly up in the air, practically throwing the lube at James before resuming his previous position.  
   
“I love when you’re eager,” James says, standing up and fitting himself to Carlos’ back, kissing the side of his neck gently. Carlos just grunts in reply, pushing back against James, moaning when the rough drag of James’ cock fits itself between his cheeks. James unscrews the cap of the lube quickly, snickering when the smell of strawberry wafts through the room – he wonders if this is the one Camille gave him, or if Carlos just stocks up on the stuff.  
   
He slicks up his finger and brings it down to rub against Carlos’ hole, slipping it in easily – he wonders at how familiar this has become, how he can predict Carlos’ experimental clench around his finger before it even happens. James reaches around to grasp the shorter boy’s cock just as he slips the second finger inside, and Carlos’ moan reverberates throughout both of their bodies.  
   
“I’m not – ah – _fragile_ , you know,” Carlos insists as James works his fingers in and out slowly, rubbing the way he knows drives Carlos crazy. At the shorter boy’s words he adds a third finger and increases his paces until Carlos is a panting mess, rutting up against the bed and simultaneously trying to force James’ fingers deeper.  
   
“Condoms?” James whispers into his ear, dipping his tongue to stroke the soft skin behind it.  
   
“Don’t – need one.”  
   
He slows his fingers, releases Carlos’ cock. “What?”  
   
Carlos turns around quickly, dragging James in for a bruising kiss, their teeth and tongues clashing harshly. James allows the kiss to last for a few minutes before he pulls back, hands steady on Carlos’ hips and forcing him to look into his eyes.  
   
“I’ve been tested,” the brunet bites his lip, reaching up to touch James’ collarbone, the cords of his neck. “And I – there’s no one but you.”  
   
James inhales sharply, realizing what Carlos is saying, and he understands the importance of it, too; the fear of being left alone has never quite been able to leave Carlos’ mind. But this, their closeness, the trust he’s putting in James – it’s a step in the right direction, and James is torn between being happy for him and being incredibly turned on.  
   
“There’s no one but you either,” he says softly, smiling and bringing their foreheads together, nosing brushing. He was tested months ago, before he’d even considered bringing it up with Carlos.  
   
They kiss again, more slowly this time, an understanding between them. When James spins them around to pin Carlos to the wall by the bed, he goes willingly, legs spreading to curl around James’ thighs with a groan. James reaches down, hand still lube-sticky and strokes himself a few times before letting out a slow breath and lining himself up with Carlos’ hole. When the head of his cock slips inside they both tighten their grips on each other with a hiss, and James bends his legs slightly to get a better angle.  
   
“Come on, fuck, come on,” Carlos pants, fingers twitching on James’ shoulders, working himself down until James is fully inside him with one slick thrust. They both moan, lips meeting sloppily, clutching at each other like they’re all they have. James hoists Carlos up with one smooth movement, hands under his thighs, supporting his weight between the wall.  
   
They form a smooth rhythm, alternating between James thrusting in and out and Carlos bouncing himself in his lap. The inside of Carlos’ body is warm and so, so tight and more than once James has to pause, breathing wetly in Carlos’ neck to keep himself from coming too quickly. When they find the angle that has James’ cock hitting that perfect spot inside, their hips speed up their movements, Carlos gripping James’ hair and gasping desperately, and he comes without even needing to be touched.  
   
“Mm,” he says after, petting James with limp hands and watching him through hooded eyes as he continues to fuck up into Carlos, grunting with the effort of holding him up. “You look so good right now.”  
   
“So – do – you,” James replies, punctuating each word with a sharp thrust, hands bruising where they dig into his boyfriend’s skin.  
   
“Know what would look even better?” Carlos whispers, skimming his hands down James’ chest and ghosting across his nipples. He leans forward until his lips rest against James’ ear, wet and bright red. “If I was riding you.” James comes with a gasp, hips stuttering and then stilling as he lets go inside of Carlos’ body.  
   
After, he sinks down, bringing Carlos with him until they’re sprawled out on the floor, sweaty and wet and a mess. James looks around half-heartedly with something to wipe them off with, but when Carlos flops down on his chest he loses all motivation to do anything but lie there and kiss him tiredly, stroking his hand down to rest on the swell of Carlos’ ass.  
   
“I can still feel you inside me,” Carlos grins against his lips, and James moans in response, lifting his hips up lazily to rub against him.  
   
“We should probably get up,” he says eventually, after Carlos has nearly dozed off twice on top of him. “If Logan comes back and sees stuff all over the floor, he’s gonna _flip_. You know how he gets when he’s angry. I don’t need to tell you the story about the axe guitar again.”  
   
Carlos’ answering laugh is probably the most beautiful thing James has ever heard.


End file.
